DEVELOPING TOLERANCE IN MARRIAGE

Written by Gavin Aleogho
                                   
Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you”
Ephesians 4:32, KJV
 
Humanly speaking, it can be difficult to develop tolerance but when you yield to the person of the Holy Spirit, the virtue of tolerance will begin to manifest in your lives effortlessly. For the Spirit of God will sometimes instruct you not to react to some issues in your marriage. He will guard you if you cooperate with Him.
 
If you discovered that even though you are filled with the Holy Spirit but yet you lack this virtue, it’s time to do what I did, by going back to the Lord to pray fervently for Him to help you in this regard.
 
Love is a vital ingredient that will help you in this regard. I am not talking about “eros” which is a love that is based on feelings and emotion. Rather, I am talking about AGAPE, the God-kind-of-love.  Beyond eros, you must have an agape love for your spouse.
 
If you can bring yourself to love your spouse just like God loves you unconditionally; you will begin to respect your spouse and be patient with him/her.
 
With AGAPE in your marriage, forgiveness and understanding become easy. This love will help to cover the multitude of your spouse’s sins, errors, shortcomings and weaknesses.
 
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
1 Peter 4:8 (NIV)
 
Hence, beyond feels and emotion, you must love your spouse unconditionally. As you seek to love your spouse beyond his or her faults, you will discover that you will begin grow in the virtue of tolerance.
 
Don’t forget, agape love is the key to developing tolerance in marriage.
 
©GavinAleogho
 

REST FOR YOUR SOUL

 

Written Gavin Aleogho

                                                                                             

The soul is an immortal and central part of the man. It is the seat of the human conscience, mind, intellect, will and emotion. It is the aspect of the man that engages in thinking, decision-making, and feelings. It is different from the physical body or the spirit of the man, but central to both. The soul is an important aspect of a man because it determines both the spiritual and physical well-being of the individual.

 

The agitations that occur within a man are deeply rooted in the soul, where emotions, thoughts, and desires often collide together, leading to inner conflict, anxiety, and pressure coupled with restlessness. This is why it is often said that the soul is the battlefield where spiritual, emotional and mental battles take place, which directly influence a person’s behaviour and one's relationship with God.

 

There are several causes for the restlessness and agitation that take place in the soul. Chiefly among them is the problem of separation from God because of sin. Another reason is because of the corrupt world we find ourselves in, which is filled with problems, challenges, injustice, evil and wickedness. Other reasons for this agitation could be guilt, fear, anxiety, lust or demonic.

 

The good news I bring to you is that no matter the cause of the agitation you are experiencing, you can find rest for your soul. For there is no problem without a solution, and that is when God is involved.

 

The Lord Jesus Christ says, “28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

 

From the above scripture, you can see that you can actually find rest for your soul when you yield to the invitation of the Lord Jesus. The question then is, how can one apply the above scripture so as to achieve the rest that the scripture talks about?

 

First, you have to understand that there is a difference between the “rest” in Matthew 11:28 and the “rest” in Matthew 11:29.

 

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

 

The “rest” in Matthew 11:28 is the rest that comes to everyone who responds to the invitation of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is a general “rest” that is available to anyone who calls upon the name of the Lord. This “rest” is given to anyone that is laden with the burden of sin and addiction. It is given free of charge. However, this “rest” in verse 28 is not as deep and lasting in comparison with  the “rest” that is talked about in verse 29.

 

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls."

Matthew 11:29

 

A deeper and richer form of “rest” is talked about in verse 29, and this is the “rest” that is capable of quenching all the agitations in the soul of man.

 

Beyond the broad invitation that guarantees the first level of rest, to find the second dimension of rest, you must go beyond the invitation that you’ve received to begin to take up the yoke of the Lord Jesus. It is when you take the yoke of the Lord upon your lives that you begin to discover and experience this deep rest. While the first “rest” is given, you will have to find the second “rest” by yourself as you walk with Christ.

 

This second dimension of God’s rest is a rest that transcends the physical or the happenings around. It’s a rest that is suited for all the components of the soul: mind, will and emotion. When you decide to yoke yourself with the Lord, you will begin to experience this ultimate rest, which comes from above and transcends all human understanding.

 

With this rest, what makes others agitated will no longer make you afraid or agitated because of this deep-seated rest in your inner being. This was the rest that the Lord Jesus Christ exhibited when He was sleeping in the midst of the storm that caused others to be agitated.

 

Sadly, only a few believers have been able to find this rest for their souls. Many followers of Jesus Christ are experiencing the same agitations that the people of the world are experiencing. This ought not to be.

 

The question remains, how can you take up the yoke of the Lord so as to experience this deeper dimension of God’s rest?

 

When two animals are yoked together, since both animals do not have the same will (desire) or equal strength, the stronger animal determines the course of action of the weaker animal. Right?

 

In the same vein, to take up the Lord’s yoke is to bring your life, will and desire under the control of the Lord Jesus Christ. And this can only be achieved through a personal and a closer walk with Jesus Christ.

 

It implies bringing your life under the control and influence of the person of the Holy Spirit who begins to determine the course of your actions.

 

It is when the Lord becomes your Boss and Master, directing the cause of your life, that you will find this deep rest, which was further explained in Psalms 23.

 

Never forget this: if you don’t take the Lord’s yoke voluntarily, you can’t experience this deeper dimension of God’s rest.

 

May the Lord help you, in Jesus name.

 

©Gavin Aleogho

TOLERANCE IN MARRIAGE

Written by Gavin Aleogho
 
In our first year in marriage, I discovered that I lack a vital virtue needed for the success of marriage. This virtue is called tolerance. Before I got married, I never knew how deficient I was in this kingdom virtue. Marriage uncovered my deficiency in this area. I remember taking out time (days) to pray and ask the Lord to help me in this regard. Hallelujah! God indeed answered my prayer.
 
Tolerance is very essential in marriage due to differences in personalities, backgrounds, values, and expectations between spouses. It does not matter how long your courtship was or how much you thought you knew your fiancé/fiancée; marriage will uncover another dimension of the person to you. And if you lack tolerance, you will experience constant conflicts in your marriage.
 
Hence, the scripture says, "With all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love."
Ephesians 4:2 (NASB).


Tolerance will help couples to successfully navigate their differences, even as they head towards building trust, mutual respect and understanding in their marriage.
 
Benefits of Tolerance in Marriage
 
The benefits of tolerance in marriage are enormous, but here are a few:
 
1. Tolerance will strengthen the emotional bond between couples
2. Tolerance will reduce conflict by minimizing unnecessary arguments
3. Tolerance will lead to harmony and teamwork in the marriage
4. Tolerance will increase understanding among couples
5. Tolerance gives room for personal and collective growth within the relationship.
6. Tolerance will create an atmosphere of peace and joy in the home.
7. Tolerance will create an environment for spiritual growth for the individuals in the union.
 
Effects of Lack of Tolerance in Marriage
 
When tolerance is lacking in a marriage:
 
1. There will be constant disagreements and unresolved issues among couples.
2. There will be a break in communication and emotional disconnection between couples.
3. It will lead to unforgiveness, which will invariably lead to bitterness, resentment against each other.
4. There will be tension in the home that will invariably affect the children negatively.
5. It will hamper the spiritual growth of the individual in the marriage.
 
Intolerance has the capacity to cause a major crack in the wall of the marriage which if it’s not resolved immediately can have lasting negative impact on the marriage.
 
©GavinAleogho
 

THE SALTLESS CHRISTIAN

 

Written Gavin Aleogho

 

There was this charismatic and energetic assistant Pastor who was very good in leading the Church in congregational prayers. He was loved by all. This young man was caught in the act of sexual immorality. After proper investigation, it was discovered that that was his first time indulging in such an act.

 

Before the incidents, his ministry was greatly appreciated and celebrated for he was also a good Bible study teacher. Sadly, after the incident, he lost his respect in the Church. That is the consequence of a Christian losing his saltiness.

 

It is common knowledge that we the followers of Jesus Christ are the salt of the earth. However, not many Christians are aware of the fact that they can lose their saltiness, like the young Pastor.

 

Our Lord Jesus Christ clearly stated the fact that a salt can actually lose its saltiness. “Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be seasoned?”  Luke 14:34.  Hence, the Lord encourages us to, “Have salt in yourselves.” Mark 9:50.

 

In my journey in the faith, I have seen Christians with amazing ministry, who were once cherished by everyone. Their lives and testimonies drew many to the Lord.  However, in the process of time, they misbehaved and did things that turned the heart of people against them. Such singular carelessness caused them to lose their saltiness and tarnished their image.

 

There are a lot of things that can cause a Christian to lose his saltiness. Some of which are a lying tongue, wrong approach to offences, living a hypocritical life, sexual perversion, wrong attitude to money and poor interpersonal relationship skill. These things can make people turn their backs against the faith. Nobody should reject the gospel because of your manner of living.

 

One of the wonderful things that happened to me right from when I gave my life to Christ were the amazing brethren, whose lives have greatly influenced and motivated me to stay on the path of righteousness. These brethren were the salt that the Lord used to preserve me in the way of the Lord. For salt is a preservative agent.

 

The indwelling of the Holy Spirit in the lives of the believers, coupled with all the investments of God, are what makes the believers the salt of the earth. We are expected to bring the flavour of the salt in our lives to everyone and everywhere we find ourselves. Our salt is a preservative agent in the midst of the corruption in our world. Hence, we are supposed to positively influence everyone who comes across.

 

As beautiful as this experience is, it is important to note that a Christian can lose his saltiness. A little folly, careless talk, sinful habits, and a double standard life can make one lose the flavour of his salt.

 

For the story of the assistant pastor, I believed that God forgave him, but it was difficult for men to forgive or even forget about the issue and trust him again. This is what happens when a Christian loses their saltiness. The effectiveness of his ministry was lost in that congregation. Even though his ministry can still be restored, it will take time for his image to be redeemed.

 

To destroy is very easy, but it is very difficult to build back what has been destroyed. A man can destroy overnight what took many years to build. This is why you have to be very careful about losing your salt. You must get rid of every little fox that is capable of spoiling your vine. (Song of Solomon 2:15).

 

"A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches.”

Proverbs 22:1.

 

I remember the story of a once renowned man of God who was greatly loved and revered by Christians in many nations of the world. He lost his respect and honour because of a sexual scandal that came up. The scandal didn’t just affect the church that he pastored; it also affected the demand for his ministry. Even his books and messages, which were in hot demand, were no longer valued.

 

The Effect Of Losing Your Saltiness

 

The effect of losing your salt is enormous. The Lord Jesus said, “…if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.”  Matthew 5:13

 

Here are some consequences of losing your salt:

 

i.   Your ministry and testimony will be rejected.

ii.  You won’t be able to influence anyone positively.

iii. People’s hearts towards you will be closed.

iv. Your reputation and integrity will be at stake

v.  It will be difficult for men to trust you again.

vi. People will begin to see you from a bad light.

 

Like I said early, God would definitely forgive you if you repent, but it may be difficult for men to forgive and accept your ministry again. It will take time, grace and God’s mercy for the heart of men to be open to your ministry.

 

How To Maintain The Flavour Of Your Salt

 

1. Live with wisdom. Think before you act.

 

2. Always think of your integrity and the many years it took you to build your reputation.

 

3. Continuously crucify the flesh while you live by the Spirit.

 

4. Cultivate the habit of drawing strength from God on a daily basis through prayers to face each day.

 

“Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.”

1 Corinthians 10:12,

 

Meditate on this.

 

©Gavin Aleogho