EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE

- Pst. Gavin Aleogho

 

"Communication is the fuel that keeps the fire of your relationship burning. Without it, your relationship goes cold.” 

- William Paisley wrote,

In marriage, the importance of communication cannot be underrated. Communication is the life of any relationship. Where there is no healthy communication, any relationship will die, naturally.

 

As a marriage and relationship counsellor, I can tell how healthy a relationship is by looking at the communication between the parties involved. I can tell when there is an issue in any marriage when I observe the way a couple addresses and relates to themselves.

 

Where there is constant argument, abusive words, conflict and constant misunderstanding in communication, it’s a sign that a relationship is heading to the rock. I usually tell singles who are into courtship that, “if he/she can’t talk to you with respect and courtesy, it’s a red flag. You might need to consider the relationship.”

  

As a basic rule, one important piece of advice I don’t fail to give to intended couples is the need to communicate with each other constantly. In constant communication you get to know your fiancé/fiancée.

 

When it comes to marriage, I can confidently tell you that any couple that always communicates with each other as friends and gist mates will stay together. Communication have a way of bonding people together.

Couples who talk to each other in respectful and loving ways always grow in their love for each other. Remove communication and a gap will be created which will invariably give the devil a foothold in a marriage.

 

To have a strong marriage, you must work toward having an open and honest communication with your spouse. Such communication goes beyond talking and listening to each other.

 

Communication is not just talking and listening to what is being “said.” It goes beyond that. It involves understanding both the spoken and unspoken needs and desires of your spouse and the willingness to compromise.

 

Effective communication in marriage entails saying what needs to be said and hearing what needs to be heard. There is the possibility of saying something else while you actually mean something else. In the same vein, there is the possibility of hearing something else while your spouse actually meant something else.

 

What Is Communication?

 

Communication is the process of exchanging information, ideas, thoughts, or feelings between individuals through verbal, nonverbal or any other methods. It involves both sending and receiving messages and is essential for building understanding, relationships, and connections between people.

 

In the context of marriage, Communication is the act of passing information and on the other hand, your spouse being able to understand you correctly.

 

The intention of communication is not just for communication's sake. The goal and intention of effective communication in any relationship is to see a positive change in your marriage. Your goal should be to positively persuade and change the behaviour and attitude of your spouse.

  

IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE

 

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.

Proverbs 12:18

 

1. Builds trust and intimacy

2. Prevents misunderstandings and conflicts

3. Strengthens emotional connection

4. Promotes mutual respect and understanding

5. Facilitates problem-solving and decision-making

6. Encourages openness and vulnerability

7. Helps express needs and desires effectively

8. Fosters teamwork and unity

9. Reduces stress and tension

10. Nurtures a healthy, loving relationship

 

BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE

 

1.   Pride and arrogance

2.   Lack of active listening

3.   Anger and emotional outbursts

4.   Lack of empathy

5.   Constant criticism and blaming

6.   Unresolved past hurts or trauma

7.   Assumptions and jumping to conclusions

8.   Interrupting or speaking over the other person

9.   Stonewalling (silent treatment)

10. Distractions and interruptions

11. Fear of rejection or being misunderstood

12. Negative tone or sarcasm

13. Wrong timing or poor time management for discussions

14. Holding grudges and not forgiving

15. Lack of patience during conversations

16. Wrong manner of approach

17. Lack of trust

18. Gaslighting, defensive attitude and playing the blame game

19. Poor emotional state

20. Abuse and domestic violence

21. Lack of clarity in communication

22. Negative body language