“A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” Proverbs 12:16 NIV.
I wasn’t aware that Mr Cliff was greeting me; because I was so engrossed in the book I was reading. Suddenly, all I heard was a rain of insults on me by Mr Cliff. You can imagine a kind of insult that would make one burst out with a rage of anger; that was what Cliff was giving me. You would want to think that we had a pending issue before, but that was not the case. Despite all his rage, I wasn’t moved by that; I didn’t even answer him a word. It was surprising to those around. It took me years to get myself matured to this kind of life where insult doesn’t affect. That is what I want to share with you in this article.
I know without doubt that you must have found yourself in a position where you’ve been insulted. And down inside you, you know that you don’t deserve it. It doesn’t matter who it is coming from. It might have come from your parent, relative, boss, co-worker, spouse or even a stranger. Sometimes, insult comes from one that is not even up to your level; whether in age, class, status or qualification. Insult comes either intentionally or accidentally.
Primarily, I discover that people tend to insult you with the aim of getting a reaction from you. They want to get you upset and affect your peace and joy. It is natural to be infuriated when insulted. That is the general way to react. But scriptural, we are admonished to overlook insults. Yes, I know it’s not easy. But it is possible.
Personally, I believe there are some things that are similar with people that insult others; one is the fact that they’ve been mistreated before, which gives birth to fear in them; the fear of been mistreated again. They may either be proud in heart or fearful in nature. They tend to misjudge and misunderstand others. And ultimately, they don’t have regard or love for their fellow human who are made in the image of God. There is the possibility that this act is learnt from people around, like the case of children learning it from their parents, close relatives or associates.
How do you stay calm and handle issues properly when you are faced with someone that have just insulted you? I think the first reaction for most of us is to defend ourselves and fight back. But let’s look at a step by step approached to handle this.
Controlling your emotional response to insults and even making something positive out of the experience is a major key to overcoming insults. It doesn’t matter the kind of water or temperature of water a ship finds itself; if it is properly built, it will sail through to its destination without the water affecting it. The fact that you get agitated when you are insulted is a fact that you are not yet matured enough to overcome and overlook such. Deal with yourself first. Pride in you can make you react negatively. Pride will want you to prove yourself and your worth. Pride will want you to preserve your dignity by responding back. I believe this is the first place to start with in dealing insults. Work on yourself to be able to tolerate people.
2. Let them be
One known effective tool for overcoming insults is silence. Most people think you have to fight fire with fire, in this case, insult with insult. If you do this, it shows both of you are in the same level. Always know that your insulters do not worth your time and energy. Let them be. Never allow them to bring you to their level. Never allow them to control your emotion by their statement. Instead, do the unexpected. Act maturely. Don’t even consider their words, for they are not worth listening to. Silence or laughing it off will put the person where he belongs. Don’t take any insult to heart, even if it is close to the truth. Re-examine all you have been told and dismiss what insults you.
People sometimes insult you to gain control. To overcome them, be slow to anger. Be slow to respond. Think before you act. It is only a fool that act without thinking. One question I wish to ask you is this: what will you loose if you ignore that insult? The Amplified version of the Bible on Proverbs 12:16b reads that: “a prudent man ignores an insult”. It is an act of wisdom to ignore insult. Proverbs 26:4 NIV reads: “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him.” There are cases whereby if you respond to insulters, you end up becoming like them. You should be able to know through God’s wisdom when not to respond or when to respond and how to respond to an insulter. Just like the next verse (Proverbs 26:5 NIV) says: “Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.”
3. Consider the source
One important question to ask yourself is, "why am I being insulted"? "Am I at fault"? This is a necessary step to take to avoid such from happening again. If that is settled, figure out other potential reasons why a person is taking out with you. There are possibilities that he is acting based on anger, past hurt, insecurity, inferiority complex or from a competitive spirit. Whenever someone insults you, realise that he is not wise, ignorant and he needs your sympathy. And majorly, he may be suffering from low self-esteem and insecurity. Have compassion on your insulter
4. Change your perspective about live
An insult should never dictate your life; rather it should be God’s word. God loves you and His Word and perception about you should be final. Whatever anyone says about you is never true and it should be discarded. Everyone is entitled to his opinion about your life; but God’s is the true and final.
I’ve come to realize that an event that triggers ones temper to flare up may just be a laughing matter to another person in the same situation. It is all about the mind set. You have to develop yourself to seeing the positive side of situation rather than being offended by any comment that is not intentionally made to offend you. Sometimes a simple question like, “Why should you say such a thing?” could make a lot of difference.
5. Pray for your insulters
“... Pray for those who insult you.” Luke 6:28b GWT. How do you pray for somebody who has hurt your feelings? How is that possible? I believe it is not something that you must do at the scene. It might take a while for you to get yourself. Praying for your insulter is an easy way to release the burden unto God. I find out that, whenever I pray for a person who has hurt my feeling; I gain control of myself and it also makes it easy for me to forgive the individual. Begin your prayer by sincerely telling God your honest feelings about the people who hurt you. Admit you are struggling to pray and forgive them. Your prayer will make a lot of difference my dear.
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