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"Render to the wife the affection due her, and likewise also to the husband."
1 Corinthians 7:3
It is surprising that some Christians believe sex during fasting invalidates their spiritual exercise. However, when you properly study the scripture from the perspective of the New Testament, you will understand that marital intimacy does not hinder the effectiveness of fasting and prayer.
By the way, is sex in marriage sinful, or is it a dirty thing?
No!
Hebrews 13:4 says that sex in marriage is honourable. Sexual intimacy within marriage is God’s design and remains pure, beautiful, and godly, even during fasting.
Primarily, fasting focuses on the heart’s posture towards God, not necessarily on external abstinence. Hence, it does not annul the sanctity of marital relations. Sex between married couples does not compromise spiritual devotion if the heart remains centred on God.
Come to think of it, why is it that during your fast, you go to work, interact with people, use your phone, and watch TV, yet you think you cannot engage in sex with your spouse?
What is so bad about sex?
Do you not realise that mere interaction with some people can dampen your spirit, which can invariably affect your heart’s posture during a fast?
It is a great deception to think that other forms of activities are more godly than sex.
God understands that we are humans, living in a material world. Hence, even after we gave our lives to Christ, He did not take us away from the world. The Lord recognizes the importance of we meeting our emotional and physical needs while we grow in our walk with Him. That is why we do not count it as sin when we engage in secular activities during fasting or any spiritual exercise.
BEWARE OF FALSE DOCTRINE
"Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons… forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from foods..."
1 Timothy 4:1-3
The above passage warns against doctrines that impose unnecessary laws and restrictions, such as those affecting the institution of marriage. It highlights how such teachings come from deceptive influences and do not align with the truth of God's word.
This is why we cannot equate the practice of the Christian faith with that of idolatrous practices. In the worship of idols, sex during fasting for couples might be an issue, but not for we that are in the faith. We are not of the world.
FASTING IS NOT LEGALISTIC
"Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free."
Galatians 5:1
Fasting is a spiritual discipline, not a legalistic rule that binds believers. Couples have the liberty in Christ to maintain intimacy while still honouring their fast.
Do not put yourself in bondage, and do not allow another person to put you in bondage in the name of fasting. For your fast is not to any man but unto the Lord.
"Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves."
Romans 14:22b NIV
A RHETORICAL QUESTION
By the way, is there a Scripture that speaks AGAINST having sex during a fast?
There is no scripture to that effect.
The popular Scripture that people often bring up is 1 Corinthians 7:5, which reads, "Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time."
Is 1 Corinthians 7:5 actually saying that a couple should not have sex during a fast?
I don’t’ think so.
LET GO OF GUILT
Sincerely speaking, the reason you feel guilty after having sex with your spouse during a fast is because of your mind-set.
Let go of that mind-set.
Christianity is not legalism.
WHEN TO HAVE SEX
You can have sex at the end of the day, after breaking your fast, without necessarily waiting for the 3, 7, 21 or 40 days of daily fasting to end.
Additionally, it is acceptable to have sex (a quickie) even before you break the fast. Yes, you got me right!
It will not reduce your level of spirituality. You are already spiritual, that is your default state as a Christian (Romans 8:9a).
You have not sinned by doing so.
You have not broken any spiritual law.
God will not be angry with you for doing so.
Angels will not flee from you for doing so.
As a minister of the gospel, it is my discovery that it does not reduce the anointing. Rather, it helps the minister to be more focused.
Do not allow the devil to guilt-trip you on this matter.
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
Romans 8:1
ADVANTAGES OF SEX DURING FASTING
Yes, sex is for pleasure. However, at times, sex is necessary for health benefits, not just for pleasure.
In other cases, sex is needed for spiritual purposes, especially in situations where it helps to curtail the effects of sexual temptations.
You might ask, "Pastor Gavin, can Satan tempt someone during fasting?"
Yes!
It was during the 40-day fast of Jesus that He was tempted.
Avoiding temptation is a biblical injunction for couples. If sex will help you to overcome temptation during fasting, then go for it.
"Lest Satan should tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
1 Corinthians 7:5
When a man engages in sex at such moments, he is not carnal. He has not sinned.
Thinking about sex while fasting does not make you carnal—unless you view sex as a dirty act. By the way, don’t you think about your job or business while fasting?
Christian counsellor Gary Thomas writes, "Sex is not merely a physical act; it is a spiritual connection that binds couples together." What better way to strengthen your marital bond than during fasting?
To bring balance to this discussion, let me touch on...
WHY AND WHEN YOU SHOULD AVOID SEX DURING FASTING
1. TO GAIN STRENGTH TO KEEP THE FAST
Energy and strength are expended during sexual intercourse, which requires replenishment.
To have the strength to pray effectively and complete the fast, you need to avoid sex. However, if it will not affect your energy level, there is no issue.
2. WHEN YOU ARE ON A DRY OR LONG FAST
A dry fast or a long fast demands more strength for stability and health reasons. Medically, it is not advisable to engage in energy-demanding activities such as sex during such a fast.
3. DIRECT INSTRUCTIONS FROM GOD
Some fasts that are commanded by God may come with specific instructions, such as abstaining from sex, phone usage, or specific foods. If that is the case, follow the instruction of the Lord to the letter.
Ensure you carry your spouse along if such instructions are given.
4. MUTUAL CONSENT
Ideally, your spouse should be carrying along concerning any fasting you want to embark upon. Like 1 Corinthians says, if you can secure the permission of your spouse it makes the fasting enjoyable.
However, if there is a need to have a "quickie" during such a fast, don't feel guilty about it. It doesn't make you less spiritual. However, I believe holding yourself till you or your spouse breaks a fast in the evening is not a big sacrifice to make.
5. WHEN FASTING FROM SEX
When "fasting from sex" is part of the type of fast you are engaging in, then you are expected to abstain from sex.
An "ideal (complete) fast" involves cutting away from people, taking a break from your job and cutting away from social life to focus and give your undivided attention to God.
If a fast doesn't stop me from going to work and being involved in social life, I can as well have sex during such fast. That in itself is a kind of fast which I (not the Bible) will call a "moderate fast."
6. CHURCH AUTHORITY
Some denominations, based on the revelation or insight of the founder, might declare that sex in marriage should be forbidden during a congregational fast.
In such a case where both couples are under the ministry, you are expected to submit to the authority in this matter, especially when a congregational fast is proclaimed in such assembly.
However, if either of the spouses is not under such authority, consent should be gotten from your partner.
IN CONCLUSION
Sexual intimacy during fasting does not hinder spirituality; rather, it upholds the sanctity and unity of marriage. As long as there is mutual agreement and a heart devoted to God, married couples can honour both their spiritual and marital commitments simultaneously.
We must learn to enjoy and walk in the liberty that God has given to us in Christ Jesus; balancing grace and truth.
